Potholes of life

Over the last week a lot of obstacles and sadness has tripped up my family. My beloved Puppa had a heart attack and it was discovered that he has a 80+ % blockage in one of his arteries. Puppa is in his mid 80’s so surgery is not an option. Top that off with the fact that my Grandma is slipping into dementia and can’t remember that Puppa can’t do the things he once did, like bowl and drive. We went to see them over the weekend and the feeling that it might be the last time is still making me weepy. Yesterday, Puppa was taken back to the hospital, and it seems they are considering putting him on dialysis because his kidney function is so low. I am lucky to have an aunt that is with my grandparents, helping them through this, but I feel guilty about that too, since I am not there.

The next pot hole is my niece, who ran away from home last night after getting caught in another drama filled problem. A problem that was easily avoided, but for some reason this girl cannot live a week in normalcy. She finds problems and drama like a heat seeking missile finds its target. My advice to this “child” is and always has been pull your head out of your ass and stop treating your family like shit. We are the only one you have, remember that. She takes zero responsibility for her situation(s), zero responsibility for the path she is walking, and rips apart our family left and right with very little consequences. I need to come to terms with the fact that I have probably lost her forever, and it is no one in my families fault, except hers. I said to her once, why is it that the family will fight for your life, but you are not willing too? She had no response to that. I hope she is safe, and I hope she is okay. But I am also hopefully that her vicious rain on my family has come to its end.  I know it’s come to an end for me. I take back control.

On a positive note, my Mom, who is amazing and strong, set a new precedent and standard at the “club” last night. My Mom & Step Dad are members of a private organization/club in our area and my Mom has gone about changing the rules and standards there. And I know that with her new found position she will do great things to make the “club” a place we would want to belong to. I know that is her goal, or one of them and I wish her luck. I am really proud of her.

Last thought, while all of the above has weighed heavily on my mind over the last several days, I am going to try to be productive, and remember that the rivers flow without my help or suggestions. That I cannot control other people, nor there decisions. I need to remember I am only responsible for my little island, and that only the things I chose can affect me. I am going to finish my work day, go home to my husband, and enjoy the company of him and our dogs. Keep your finger’s crossed that tonight is pot hole free.

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