I am feeling like a fish trapped in a tiny bowl. Swimming circles around my world, and the only thing that is changing are the faces outside my bowl. I need to find a new path, a new way and say screw the fear. Its time this fish grew some legs and walked out of here.
I am in love with my husband, our home, our dogs, our family and friends. I am tired however of the drama, the half-truths, the desperate cries for attention. I don’t have the energy, it takes a lot of me to swim in these circles. Define insanity, repeating the same things and expecting different results. I know this, and I preach this but can’t seem to live this. My life is more precious than this. I don’t want to be stuck in this bowl anymore, I need to do something, shake it up, change the scene, take care of me and mine and move on.
I don’t look in the mirror in the morning right now, because I know I won’t like what I see. I am barely taking care of myself because I don’t care right now. I would blame it on the winter but winter is gone, spring is here and I should be growing with the grass and the trees.
But I feel like I am still swimming, still seeing my reflection in the side of the bowl. Still repeating the same thing over and over, and it doesn’t make me happy.
The trouble is, I don’t know what would make me happy, a change in direction, a new path, an attitude adjustment, a shower, a cookie, a walk with Jacob in the dark, a new kitchen, money in the bank, saying my prayers, helping my family…. I just don’t know if its one thing.
I got to get out of this bowl.