Back in February I wrote about being a disappointment, about wishing my family and friends would just let it rip about all the things I’ve been doing wrong. Here’s the heart of the matter, I suffer from depression. **gasp*** exactly, no big surprise, its something that seems so obvious to others. And while I have know I have bouts of depression through most of my adult life, it was just recently I have decided to take action and seek help. So I signed up with a counselor and last night took my first anti depressant in 4 years. Which by the way is making me sleepy today. When I took them in the past it was a short 6 month period where my anxiety attacks were so bad we need to get them under control. Once they were I was taken off of them and for the most part left to flap in the wind.
Don’t get me wrong, I have great days, great weeks and even months where the dark head of depression doesn’t roar and rage. In those great days, weeks and months I might get fleeting moments of dark, moments I can shake off without the assistance of drugs and unbiased ears. But the truth of it all, the heart of it all is I need help. I am chemically not right, and because of this imbalance I need both medicine and counseling.
I am also enough of a attention whore and exhibitionist that I want to chronical this journey hear. This was never my intentention for this blog, I thought this would be a funny place with andecotes about my life, with some of my poetry interspersed. It may morph into that, but for now I want to tell my story. I know there are lots of people out there going through the same thing.
Let’s get started…and see where this path with take us.