Getting By

I can’t wait for the day when I am not just getting by. When I will get up in the morning and feel purpose again. It’s kind of aggravating and exciting to know that in just 12 short days I will be feeling normal again and can deal with the BS I have been pushing down and to the side for the last, god knows how long. I went and hung out with my friends last night, which was a blast. Played some bean bag toss, corn hole, whatever you want to call it. I was glad I went, happy to see them and to laugh and smile and watch my niece run around the back yard. But stupidly in the middle of watching a game I looked at my email on my phone and I had made a mistake on someone’s payroll check. For some reason that sent my mind reeling, it wasn’t a big deal, the logical brain knew that, I could fix it today, which is actually pay day. But I started to obsess about it. Fretting and worrying. What can I do from my lawn chair in the back yard of my BF house? Nothing, so I got up and played some corn hole. Thank god I have a short attention span. Day 2 of meds is no better than yesterday, not complaining just chronicling. I still feel really sleepy and slow, but I think I am supposed to feel like that. I have a weekend at home this week, first one in over a month so that’s nice I can catch up on my house work and relax a bit. Next weeks a busy one, and hopefully I will deal with the self induced “stress”, I know I will, it’s kind of what I do. Looking forward to sitting around a fire with all my crew and singing and relaxing. That is the true challenge for me, the relaxing part, I don’t do it well.

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