This weekend we went up and camped. It was HOT; I mean like someone opened the furnace of hell then added the strength of the sun, with no breeze cause the world forgot how to blow the wind. Thursday and Friday it was me, my husband, my Mom and my Stepdad. We sat on Thursday and Friday and misted ourselves, chased the shade and waited for our other guests to arrive. We didn’t even think of cooking dinner until 8pm because who wanted to stand in front of the grill. But we had a good time, and by Friday night everyone else had arrived and the drinking and eating and laughing started. The dogs came, not mine, but others dogs and they chased and stole food and slept in the heat. Almost all of my favorite people were there, a few were missing but the ones that came are my Framily and we spent the time laughing and joking on each other. Saturday came and the temp broke but we still went and sat in the river, happy to have found a water source and talked about the next time we all travel north. Saturday night we had a fire and played cards, fought with the bugs and slept really well.
I am filled today with a satisfied feeling, a full feeling of love and happiness. This weekend wasn’t as hard as it would have been in the past. And I am wondering how many walls I have thrown up, how many obstacles I have put in my own way. I don’t know if it’s the medicine that is helping me or if it’s me being aware of my short comings that I am making a conscience effort to be different. I still had a knot in my chest, I still had moments of short temper, and moments I swore that Jacob was rolling his eyes at me. But most of that was in my head. Today behind my satisfied feeling is a deeper well of sad because I could have sought help earlier. I could have been better before I created problems within my group of friends, before I pushed people away.
I love you all, and I appreciate you. I don’t say it enough, but I do. Here’s to camping in the fall, when we will be huddled around the fire and dreaming of the sun.