Setting down the dream

Today is a sad day for me. For the last 5 or so years of my marriage my husband and I have been trying to have children. We’ve done all the tests, tried several treatments to no avail. Now I am on this journey of fixing my mental health and I have been put on a medication that is not safe to take while trying to conceive. So choices had to be made, continue on the baby path or try to get well and possibly be a better mother and partner. I think most people would think this is an easy choice. That taking care of you is by far the better decision, to put yourself first and get clear and steady. But for me and Jacob this is hard, we’ve worked so long. We’ve had heart break and tough roads, we’ve climbed them together, faced it all together.

So I have to put my baby wishes to bed. I am going to grieve a little bit, because I always thought I would be done having children by now and it could be years before this dream is picked up again. I know that I will be a better mom when this is done. I hope to be a better wife and friend, daughter and aunt. For the first time in a long time my focus will be on me and mending the bridges my mental illness has burned.

Wish me luck

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