Bouncing my leg in short burst of energy, designed to make me feel like I am doing something other than stare at the screen as it shines brighter than the walls that surround my monitors. Listening to the same songs over and over because if the station is changed hissy fits will ensue and no one here wants to rock that boat today. Annoyed because the songs get stuck in my head and roll around not making any since because it’s not my taste in music and I don’t know all the words to boot. Trying to keep my thoughts in a straight line, because my list is so long that I have run out of words and ink to write it. Looking for a mental break in the blogosphere but not finding what I seek. Attempting to quiet my mind and my shaking knee long enough to get a grip on the tasks at hand. Irritated because the auto-correct/grammar in my Microsoft Word keeps breaking my pattern of typing. Looking forward to tomorrow, 9:30pm when my deadline is up and the required time we’ve spent beating our heads against the wall is over. This will be the last time I do this in my current position and I will sigh with tremendous relief, no matter the outcome or score. Wishing for that peace I keep preaching about, but feeling my stomach in knots because other people won’t grow up long enough to move forward. Why do I dread my phone? Because I know that you will call it eventually and bash me over the head with your problems, not caring once for hers or mine, but only caring that you are the victim in the world you have created for yourself. But you won’t hear me when I remind you that this world and all that inhabit it are of your making.
Hoping that once I have written all of this down and pressed that publish button that my world will come back into focus so I can take my next step. Annoyed slightly because I have to make those damn choices I don’t want to make, I keep circling those things in my head hoping to get up the courage to execute. But for now, I will relish the fact that my knee has stopped bouncing and that my work day is almost to an end. I will finish my sprint to the deadline and get back into the marathon on Wednesday. Clicking off the tasks I can complete, hoping for a reprieve from those I cannot, but willing to take the hit for the team if the time comes and it needs to be done.
Quietly my soul whispers, “How do you eat an elephant Mere?” “One bite at a time” my mind says back. Good thing I am so hungry…..