and the saga continues…

It has been a weird couple weeks. 

I have applied for like 10 waitressing jobs, gotta make that paper! I haven’t heard back on a single one, and I am an AWESOME server. I think I will be sending cover letters with my resumes to let people know about my background in the food and beverage industry. A second job would be super helpful for bills and the impending arrival of Christmas which happens to be one of my favorite times of year. There’s something about giving gifts that I LOVE!! Not to mention the whole family fun and frivolity that happens between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

I think I may have mentioned this, maybe not, but my niece is living with us. So I am trying to figure out how to be an aunt/guardian and warden/supervisor. Something I have never done before. But I am super excited because tonight we are putting together her birthday present and I have put a lot of thought and time into it. I think she will love it, but I will let the blogosphere know Monday what the reaction was. It will probably be typical teenager, “oh, that’s cool” and none of the excitement we feel when we are super young and once we start getting older. Why is someone else’s joy so rewarding? It is the never answered question; I mean there are plenty of theories on the subject but none that I accept as gospel. I know that it could be a sense of fulfillment to make someone else happy, or the fact that you’ve done a good deed and can pat yourself on the back. Whatever! I just like to give gifts and I LOVE it when people are surprised by them. 

I am still trying to figure out how to balance my time, and I think I am getting better at not making promises I cannot keep. I am trying to be present in every moment with my family and friends. I know that I am not 100% successful yet, but who is 100% engaged at all times. You would be exhausted and a liar if you said you were and we don’t tolerate liars here. Just kidding, I don’t care, especially since you’d just be lying to yourself and I don’t know you personally so you can’t offend me yet.

 Why do I feel the need to apologize to my readers when I write random posts like this? I mean no one is making you read my posts, and if someone is holding a gun to your head to do it please send me a cryptic comment and I will try to get some help to you. Or you know just keep reading and making me feel like I am a full functional and contributing member to this crazy world. I have typed Sorry at least 3 times in the last 5 minutes. I wonder if I will ever not apologize for being me. Why do I think I am so offensive to the world? I am pretty amazing, at least if my parents and friends can be believed, and I can honestly tell you that they are good trustworthy people, who have not knowingly lied to me ever, so I guess I should believe them. My therapist says that I don’t have a good self-image that is so true, trying to figure out how to change that. It’s not as easy as you think it is. I am all about instant gratification, and this process of therapy is rewarding but moves at a snail’s pace. I just want to be done, and be better and love me and be all happy and giggly all the time, and able to handle the stresses that come my way with a shrug and a “oh well” attitude. I will keep working on that, first things first though, gotta start loving me and liking what I see when I look in the mirror. Continuing on….

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One comment

  1. If you don’t start falling in love with that reflection in the mirror? I’m grounding you! 🙂 Because who WE all see is pretty amazing….beautiful….smart…..compassionate….fun….silly….talented….complex…..and back to amazing……you, are the whole package AND a bag of chips!

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