Today has been a total shit day. I am trying to be positive but the truth is I am just swimming in it right now and I can’t properly vent because I am sitting at my desk. So I return once more to the very public world of my blog to rant about the total injustice of the American Dream.
We are told our whole life we can do anything, as long as we work hard and put our minds to it we can accomplish anything. While I do not doubt the truth of these words sometimes I wonder by whose definition are we “working hard”? I find that my husband and I have worked very hard over the last 7 years to create a home, a life in our house, to have children and be model citizens who volunteer for worthy causes, who spend time with family and friends, who are engaged in each other and in our life. But society says we need to work harder, be slimmer, be more educated, be better in all aspects of our life. So we have stepped up our game, my husband returned to school in an effort to better his position in the working world. We’ve changed our eating habits and are working out to lose what we have put on in the last few years. We pay our bills, we pay our impossible mortgage, we struggle every day. I personally struggle with my anxiety and depression. And after all of that it turns out that we can’t have babies, we can’t afford our home and we aren’t eligible for help because we haven’t done enough.
This is a maddening situation, and part of me wants to throw my hands in the air and say F IT! I am so done with these rules, this vision of what society says I should be. So I think I am going to do that.
I am going to try even harder to just be me, and if that means I am living in my parent’s basement while I rebuild my credit from the loss my home, so be it. If that means that I just have to be an even better Aunt and focus on the kids in my life, then so be it. It doesn’t mean I won’t weep for these loses, on the contrary, I will weep. But I hope that with every tear I shred it is another small step toward letting go.
After all, we are moderately healthy, we have four walls and roof for the time being that was mine for a short while. We have each other, we have our family, our friends, our dogs. I thankfully still have a therapist. We still can make decisions and speak freely about our choices.
Its time for me to reshape my thoughts and visions of the American Dream. Maybe what the dream should be is contentment with what I have instead of striving for what I cannot have. Maybe resting in the moment and enjoying what is in front of me should be the American Dream.
I think over the next few weeks I will be recommitted to working this process out on the web.
Any suggestions on the new American Dream are appreciated. Just don’t tell me my way is wrong.