10 seconds in my head

Eye lids feel heavy; the full weight of your head on your shoulders is almost too much to hold up. Little lights flash before your eyes because you have forgotten to drink water again. Even the pecking of the keys is sluggish under the weight of the veil that drops over you daily. You sit slightly hunched because to sit straight would require even more energy and you know that you have asked your body to do all it can at the moment.

Breathe in and out, move slowly and deliberately. Sipping coffee hoping for the small rush of energy but even the caffeine can’t penetrate the chemical warfare happening in your head. You sigh again, and hope that the people around you think you are sleepy or hung-over and pray once again that no one approaches you with anything that needs doing now. Slowly your eyes roll to the right and left and you think how easy it would be to just give up and let the black tide take you, you even justify it in your mind that if people really knew, if they could totally understand the sheer weight of the world that rests on your shoulders, they would be the first to push you toward the surrender. Roll your head back and forth, gently shaking the thought loose. It’s not the answer, slipping into the oblivion, it’s the easy way, and survival is the hardest path to choose, but it remains the right one.  Deep sigh, lids closed against the glare from the overhead light for a moment, gather your strength, push back from your chair and turn to face the world.

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