Embarrassing admittance for this week

I took a shower yesterday before work.

I realize this doesn’t sound amazing, but it actually is, because as gross and embarrassing it is to admit that is the first sign for me that I am slipping into a depression, I stop showering. I will go days without even looking in the mirror which I have admitted on here before but I think the only person who really knows this is my dear husband. I am sure there are plenty of people who suspect I am filthy who either work with me or see me walking through the store. But here’s the thing if I shower then I will inevitably look in the mirror and that is something I just refuse to do when I am depressed. Because it a) makes me feel worse b) I hate what I see there c) come on if I look in the mirror I will see the truth and that is the last damn thing I want to see when I am wallowing in it.

So here’s how I know I am getting better, yesterday I took a shower before I went to work. Today, I wore something other then a sweatshirt into the office, and I even cleaned up my eyebrows. These don’t seem momentous but for me it is the light glinting at the end of this tunnel, and I am hopeful to be walking in the sun again soon.

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