Gonna miss you

I don’t grieve very well, never have. I can handle death, I cry for a moment (or 5) and then I toughen up for my friends and family. I inevitably will cry at the funeral or visitation but only when prompted  by others emotions. But this post isn’t about death, it’s about lose in general and the things I don’t process very well.

So today I am saying goodbye to someone who has become a nice bright light while I have struggled these last months. I have known her for a little over a year and she is a constant source of support and positive energy when I choose to surround myself in dark and negative. She is constantly trying to lift me up and for some reason I have never resented her efforts in the ways that I have resented others. She is simply amazing and has met the love of her life and they are moving away. And the logical person in me says that this changes nothing but the physical distance between us but in reality I am grieving the lose of this light.

Her Man is also amazing and someone I wish that I could have gotten to know better as well. I hope I will as we move through our lives And despite that wish, I love him for the joy he has brought to her life, and I love to see a young love grow between two people who are so well suited to each other, who compliment each other so well that they seem to be one. But back to the grief in this move. It is purely selfish that I wish she wouldn’t go, because she helped me to see a person I could be, with the correct choices and paths. I will still become this person, I have been on that journey far longer than we have known each other.

I guess ultimately what I am trying to say is that I am happy that her life is moving her in a positive direction, I will miss her, and I am unsure how to process it. Because it is real grief to lose someone with whom you have connected. I could not imagine doing this with anymore of my friends. I wish her and her Man the best of luck in this next stage in their life together and I can only hope that this will not be the last time I can hug my friends and share a drink with them.



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