I haven’t been able to write about this, but for some reason today seems like a good day. A little over a month ago my Grandmother passed after four years living with dementia. Truly her battle was between her will and her the strength of her body. I hadn’t seen her in 3 years, mainly because I couldn’t handle her not recognizing me. My beautiful Aunt went regularly, and made sure that Grandma was well taken care of in the home she was in. She fought for her fair treatment and brought her treats and reminders of things she loved in her life. Thankfully the passing was painless, physically, but mentally for our family it was a toss up between relief and sorrow.
I would have sworn up until I touched her lapel in her casket that she wouldn’t die, she simply couldn’t because she was the strongest most stubborn women I have ever known. We butt heads constantly but mainly because I too am stubborn and strong headed. As we walked into the viewing room, I turned into my husband chest and wailed that it wasn’t her, couldn’t be her, she was too strong for this. And I was scared, that she wouldn’t look like her.But she did, and she was beautiful and serene.
In an effort to give myself peace I spoke at the funeral, I sang too. Not looking at my Dad because I couldn’t get through the song and speech if I focused on his tears. It was gut wrenching, and beautiful and hard to do. But I am glad I did it. I am glad that I put pen to paper and expressed myself. As I get to do here whenever I see fit.
The weekend after the funeral, my sister, her husband and my niece, and my hubby all went up north to Grandma and Puppa’s cottage, and I swear I was enveloped in memories. I spent much of our time up there thinking about what they had given us, the legacy that they had handed down that we would in turn pass to the next generation. There is no price, weight or measure that could explain it. They gave us this gift of peace, love, fun, wind, trees, and walks down memory lanes that I can never thank them for.
But I can write it here, ink it, and know that I have put it out into the universe.