Trying to be calm and focused when you are scattered is like climbing a mountain with no experience. I am trying to remember that I work with all men who have no comprehension of my mental state, no desire to understand it really, and I am good with that. But I take things very personally, especially when something goes wrong. I feel like the years of taking the blame for things, shouldering guilt that I placed on myself has caused me to flinch each time something goes wrong. I am quick to apologize, quick to take the responsibility as to shield those I work with but man do I need to stop doing that. It’s not my job to protect grown men from their bosses. This is a tough lesson to learn.
I keep repeating to myself, you are not responsible for everything. The world still turns without you. Sometime I even chant the Serenity prayer under my breath in an effort to calm and soothe. Either way this is a tough one for me and I have probably over used that word in this post, but get over it, that’s exactly what this is. Each small step is a step in the right direction, its just harder than I thought it would be to side step the land mines of my past.
Good luck with your landmines.