I wanted to write today about what I am thankful for, but in this moment, surrounded by squawking voices of people I work with I can’t seem to channel anything that I am thankful for. I mean if I meditated for a minute I could come up with some. Hold on…..hmm…. I am thankful there is only 4 hours left in my work day. I am thankful that I have therapy tonight so I can decompress. I am thankful that my 20 lbs turkey thawed out finally. I am thankful that it just got silent while I typed that last sentence. These are obviously surface thanks. There are deeper ones that I can’t get into now, just not in that mind set.
Last night I told my two best friends about the voice in my head. They took it okay, one in particular was worried that I was suicidal because I explained what the voice in my head sounds like. I spent a bit convincing her that I was not a threat to myself and that I had been living with this for awhile, I was just acknowledging it. So after that was said and done I regretted it, not because I am worried about their reactions but I forgot to mention to them I didn’t want it discussed so I am sure their significant others are now aware, or maybe not, but that paranoid voice in my head is sure trying to convince me that turkey talk tomorrow will be about the bitch that lives in my head. Again I am thankful for therapy tonight. I have a head ache right now, a rager that is making it hard to stare at my computer screen. But I wanted to purge my pent up writing before I am off for a long holiday weekend away from my computer and my digital following. Its a warm fuzzy to know that people can come here on any given day and maybe feel less alone in the world.
So I guess I am thankful for you, my readers, my interweb venting point that lets me be the truest me. Happy Thanksgiving, take deep breaths as we going into this holiday season and remember that you will get through it, just like I will.