Day to Day

I am hyper aware of myself right now. Over anazyling every emotion, reaction and change in mood. I have read this is common in people newly diagnosed with bipolar. So for a little relief from the bubble ready to burst inside I am going to ramble for a few minutes about these “issues”

As I said I am slightly anxious, a side effect of the changes in my medicine no doubt. I feel speedy one moment and wiped out the next.

Last night I couldn’t find a gift I had been given for Christmas. And as I was going to bed it suddenly became the most important thing in the world that I find it. I tore through the house, getting more frustrating, actually thinking someone was playing a trick on me. That maybe I had forgotten the gift somewhere and the giver was just waiting for me to ask for it. After chewing on that idea while I looked through drawers 2-3 times I actually had to stand up and tell myself that was silly. As I moved slower I found it, miraculously, where I had left it Christmas day when I came in from our travels. But of course I couldn’t let that relief stand because now I had to find my Kindle. I made myself go to bed, and counted in my head breathing deeply until that thought went away.

I am trying to remember that people don’t know what is happening in my head therefore it is not fair of me to expect them to react to me any differently than they have in the past. It is hard to remember that and be patient with them. I know I may fail at this on occasion.

I got my anti-psychotic drug last night ( finally) and was to afraid to take it. I will start this weekend when I can recover from it better. Which reminds me I have to go home and get it before I leave town for the weekend. Thank you blogging for reminding me.

I have been obsessing about something that is 6 months away. My grandparents will be celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary, and someone I really don’t like will be attending. I keep rocketing between images of my being graceful and ignoring the boiling rage I feel toward this person, calling him and blasting him and threatening him within an inch of his life that if he ruins this day for my Grandparents I will hurt him, or doing that to his face. It’s stressing me out slightly.

I cried like a baby last night watching television, it was whack.

I am cold ( that has nothing to do with anything)

I am hungry ( that is surprising since I have no appetite on these meds)

I am signing off now. Thanks for listening, I feel slightly better.

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One comment

  1. Your title says it best….day to day…..it is all ANY of us can do. You are doing it every day by getting up and facing the world and being perfectly imperfect. It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway….we are ALL imperfect. That is what makes you special…and that you can love all of us imperfect people back as graciously and lovely as you do.

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