Today my world is in better focus, because I got a treatment for my vertigo and that is helping tremendously. My last baby shower of the season ( yes there is a baby shower season in my life) is over, so I am done planning that kind of thing for awhile and I get a small break before the next major rounds of birthdays begins.
I am finding myself trying to readjust my perspective on a lot of things. Like, most people aren’t HAPPY most of the time, most people are content most of the time or even neutral. Not sure where I got the idea that there were only 2 emotions when it came to the living of your life. My therapist did ask where I got my “Disney-like mentality” from. Not sure… or not positively sure. But I have thought for most of my life that if you weren’t HAPPY then you were doing something wrong. Not sure if adjusting this thought process will be easy, since I don’t produce the right chemicals but I think acknowledging it is a good first step.
I’ve set up these standards, road blocks, whatever and told my self repeatedly that if i just did this, then I would be happier. Or if I just cleaned my room then things would be easier, or if I just had a new couch I would be better ( I have never bought a new couch in my life). But now that I am actually better(ish) I have to say that it doesn’t matter what trivial thing I do I need to be content with me.
For those of you struggling with depression, anxiety and every other imaginable mental illness, please remember you are not alone. There is a HUGE community of people out there just like you, some suffering in silence, some grand standing like me but still struggling like you. There is light at the end, I promise.