Yesterday I had therapy, my first session since the “diagnose” and the conversation was mostly about my meeting with the psychiatrist. Basically no matter what the diagnoses, the treatment plan is approx. the same. So I am on the right treatment street, but maybe not the right diagnoses street, at least that’s what my therapist thinks. For now I am going to identify my disorder as Bipolar until such time as someone more qualified then me changes it. That being said, I have decided to track my “cycles” in a journal and see if I go through dips and peaks. I know I go through dips, but the peaks, not so sure.
We also talked about buttons, as in you are pushing my buttons. Something we talked about was identifying my buttons and learning how to extinguish the inflammatory thoughts before I go all Hulk on someone and cannot be reasoned with. Believe me this happens, especially to my sweet poor husband. But anyways…. so we started talking about buttons and it seems my biggest one is being misunderstood. This is actually kind of a broad button as it could mean many things. It could mean being disrespected, or it could be persecuted. But knowing that I am sensitive to this I am going to try to remember that I am Bruce Banner, mild mannered and brilliant 🙂 and that I need to stay calm in order to stay sane. People who have never seen me go crazy doubt my ability but believe me my past is littered with the bodies of my raging and rampaging. I hard core hold grudges and the mere memory of the things that have “wronged” me can set me off. (deep breath, in out) okay, calming down.
I wonder what other peoples buttons are and how many times a day I hit them. Or for that matter how many times a day I misunderstand someone else. In this world of digital communication it is easy to read into email and text, creating tone or attitude, and simply remembering that this are typed words is difficult since this form of communication is now the norm. Having a face to face conversation or a phone call or even writing a letter are fewer and farther between. You know I am right, since we now have baby boomers (aka my parents) texting me on the regular. I love it, but I digress.
So my challenge for any readers out there is this, when you find yourself getting ticked off or irritated in the coming days, take a breath and try to figure out why you are upset. Are you really being disrespected or hurt or could the person you are dealing with just be a jerk? Or maybe they are having a bad day? I think I am going to benefit from taking a beat before I turn into the big green monster, I surely know my husband will.