Eating that elephant

Bouncing my leg in short burst of energy, designed to make me feel like I am doing something other than stare at the screen as it shines brighter than the walls that surround my monitors. Listening to the same songs over and over because if the station is changed hissy fits will ensue and no one here wants to rock that boat today. Annoyed because the songs get stuck in my head and roll around not making any since because it’s not my taste in music and I don’t know all the words to boot. Trying to keep my thoughts in a straight line, because my list is so long that I have run out of words and ink to write it. Looking for a mental break in the blogosphere but not finding what I seek. Attempting to quiet my mind and my shaking knee long enough to get a grip on the tasks at hand.  Irritated because the auto-correct/grammar in my Microsoft Word keeps breaking my pattern of typing.  Looking forward to tomorrow, 9:30pm when my deadline is up and the required time we’ve spent beating our heads against the wall is over. This will be the last time I do this in my current position and I will sigh with tremendous relief, no matter the outcome or score. Wishing for that peace I keep preaching about, but feeling my stomach in knots because other people won’t grow up long enough to move forward. Why do I dread my phone? Because I know that you will call it eventually and bash me over the head with your problems, not caring once for hers or mine, but only caring that you are the victim in the world you have created for yourself. But you won’t hear me when I remind you that this world and all that inhabit it are of your making.

Hoping that once I have written all of this down and pressed that publish button that my world will come back into focus so I can take my next step. Annoyed slightly because I have to make those damn choices I don’t want to make, I keep circling those things in my head hoping to get up the courage to execute. But for now, I will relish the fact that my knee has stopped bouncing and that my work day is almost to an end. I will finish my sprint to the deadline and get back into the marathon on Wednesday. Clicking off the tasks I can complete, hoping for a reprieve from those I cannot, but willing to take the hit for the team if the time comes and it needs to be done.

Quietly my soul whispers, “How do you eat an elephant Mere?” “One bite at a time” my mind says back. Good thing I am so hungry…..

From my wonderful husband

I receive wonderful things from my amazing husband. Thoughtful cards, poems, letters and caring supportive words to fill my life and remind me of how lucky I am. He gave me a poem a few weeks ago and I asked him if I could share it. He agreed, and I just want to say that he is so talented on top of everything else he is to me. I am a damn lucky woman, lucky to have him as a husband and as my best friend.


Darling, the little details have me hooked on you like a junkie with a spoon.

The fussing when you are not feeling well.

The intricate methods of cleaning a bathroom that I can never truly grasp nor match.

Dabbing your ears with hopeful fingers when you feel a chill as any good Hispanic woman should.

Every word to every song seems to dwell within your mind.

The voracious tenacity you attack reading a book, as if you wer the stealthiest of literary assassins.

The need to create something homemade to fill our soul depleted bellies.

You, traversing the Universe with green accented purpose.

Your hair and how it changes more than a David Bowie song.

The Fung Shui virus that infects you and inflicts our living room.

Darling, the little details have me hooked on you like the Mona Lisa hanging in the Louvre.


My Arms

Come my love, my strong and weak. Seek nothing but safety and love. I will hold you up when you are tired, catch you when you stumble, hold you when you weep, laugh when you succeed. My arms offer nothing more than safe harbor, my heart nothing more than love. Take my words or leave them as they fade into the haze, it matters not. Rest for a moment, in the minute of this peace. Know that you are special, unique and necessary to this world we live in. Don’t question your worth, but allow us to show you the riches you posses, for you are not alone, not without. You are surrounded by things both light and dark, and we will help you fight the bad, embrace the good. Seek shelter in my arms, my waiting arms full of love and hope.  You are one of my many, one of my few, my flock and family. Seek the shelter of my arms and find comfort and peace. Find strength and sleep, for tomorrow will come and you will embrace it.  

No Box, Thank you

Don’t put me in a box

I am not what you think I am

Do not mistreat me, mishandle me or underestimate me

I am divine, sublime and aggravating all in one

I am soft, and sweet and hard as I can be, when I need to be

I am both smart and stupid, sassy and meek, lover and fighter

I may cry if you yell, or I may rip your head off

I am eclectic in taste, in reaction, behavior, dress and style

I will never disappoint, as long as you don’t expect

I will give you my shirt, if I am not in need of it

I will give you my love, as long as you will take it

I will take your jokes, your jibs and mockeries, and laugh with you

but may cry in private

I am an explorer of my world, the navigator of the seas of my life

I am the composer of my song, with the notes both sweet and sour

I am a seeker of knowledge

I am a woman, a wife, a daughter, a granddaughter, a friend, a worker, a homemaker, a crazy person.

I am me, an original; out of the box I am much more valuable

Clock ticking

The clock is ticking over my right shoulder, the door opens and closes quietly. My world is quiet right now, filled with the sounds of industry that are muffled by dry wall. I need some music, and not the gentle hum of voices through the phone, nor the sound of the rain as it patters on the roof. I need loud, soulful music prescribed by my soul. Music that will feed this need, fill me up and make me sing. Living in the land of immediate satisfaction has its perks. Click of the button and I am on my way. Gray sky’s won’t bring me down, neither will my mood. Slipping into the world of creation, dancing to the beat of the drums, all while sitting in my chair.


Driven to distraction

While my heart seeks healing

My soul keeps stealing the sunshine that my skin needs

Thoughts are racing in my head and darting around looking for logic where there is none

Life keeps cycling while I hold both hands up and scream STOP but the world continues turning and rotating, breathing and dying

I need another diet coke and a head transplant to get my thoughts straight

Words into phrases into sentences

Deep breath, here we go again

Driven to distraction by my paper & pen

Centered in my universe by my paper & pen